Subtle Addiction
by RikuxHeart
Summary: Take away the one constant in a man's life, and you've left him with nothing. But the chance at redemption has a high price. Is Yuki ready to sacrifice his sanity for someone who hates him, just to heal the broken heart he'd been the cause of?
1. Chapter 1

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 1:

Some people can handle it. For others, it only takes one time to break them. Everyone knew Shuichi was the latter of the two categories, so when he came to them with the proposition of heading to the states for a year long tour, no one was really surprised. The 20 year old pop star had a critical penchant for running away from his problems.

What really got everyone was the easiness with which he accepted everything. The were no and's, if's, or but's about their next tour. Shuichi was Leaving Japan with a determination that clearly stated that he had no intention of ever coming back.

He'd gone all out for the transit to America, His flashy, revealing stage outfits were replaced with just as provocative pieces, less revealing, yet left even less for the imagination. His hair had been cut shorter and dyed a midnight purple. Over a two year period, Shuichi had filled out more. No longer scrawny and pathetic looking, his body was honed and perfected by lithe, muscle. To put it bluntly, Shuichi Shindou was a heart throb.

Hiro knew from the second they departed from Japan, that it was a bad idea. He had a feeling in his gut that couldn't be ignored. Shuichi was a walking time bomb, and America had the passcode for self destruction.

He couldn't have been more right. As he sat in the darkness of his hotel room, staring blankly at the phone in his hands, contemplating what to do. No one could deny the changes they saw in their bandmate, but there was nothing any one of them could do about it. No one held sway over Shuichi's life like... Yeah. That was a dead end.

Sighing, Hiro sat the phone beside him on the bed and dropped his head into his hands. He had no choice though, did he? He could call the novelist, explain what was happening. The worst he could say was no. No one had heard hide no tail from Yuki since the day Shuichi broke up with him. Why things when down the way they did, no one knew, but the cold hard truth was the lead singer hadn't even mentioned his name once in over the eleven months they'd been in America.

While Bad Luck was stealing the hearts of every man, woman, and child in the States, the band itself was deteriorating at an alarming rate. And it was all centered around the number one pop singer's new favorite addiction.

Shuichi always drank on occasion, but from the night he went clubbing seven months ago and nearly drank himself into a coma, Hiro knew something wasn't right. Smoking had been the next big surprise, but K had put an end to that real quick, threatening Shuichi in his usual manor that if he ever saw another cigarette in his possession, he was going to make him regret it.

Oddly enough, the vocalist listened. Curiosity is what lead Shuichi's best friend into finding out about the drugs. Following him back to the hotel one night, he'd seen the transfer of money and pharmaceutical drugs between Shuichi and a shady character in the middle of the night.

Of course it was brought to the attention of K the very next day, and Shuichi was once again reprimanded and the ordeal ended without another mishap. Hiro decided to let the subject drop, knowing full well that his friend was far from in the clear.

In the ninth month, everyone finally realized what was going on. It was completely unexpected that Shuichi had another lover. But with the constant late arrivals, his complete disregard for his responsibilities, his insomnia and utter lack of energy, they figured out who had introduced the Pop star to the harder stuff. The stuff that Shuichi had been hiding for who knew how long.

When Shuichi started showing up for work with bruises on him, Hiro had never been more happy that their tour was coming to a close. America really was all about sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll, and all of them had had enough.

Picking up the phone again, Hiro dialed the number with renewed determination.

* * *

Yuki sat in the dark study, staring blankly into space. The last thing he was expecting was a phone call from America, let alone from his ex-lover's best friend. It was acceptable though. The part he couldn't wrap his mind around, was the reason he'd been called.

Shuichi... HIS innocent Shu was doing what? He would openly admit that the break up was hard on both of them, but he was almost positive that his life had been the one disrupted the most.

Eying his bookshelf, he regarded the last novel he'd written, published just before Shuichi had walked out of his life. It was no one's fault but his own, but the day the bundle of ecstatic hyperactive happiness left, something left with him. It was commonly referred to in the writers world as a muse.

Had it really been almost a year since the last time he'd seen him? Eleven months, two weeks, two days and fourteen hours to be exact. With a dejected huff, he leaned back in his computer chair and closed his eyes. Gods he was pathetic...

Hiro wanted his help. Told him he didn't know who else to turn to. What was he supposed to do with that? Shuichi had kicked HIM to the curb, and now the guitarist just expected him to waltz back into Shu's life like nothing had happened? There really was such a thing as asking for too much.

On the other hand, Shuichi was coming back to Japan in a month. Would he be able to just sit back and do nothing after everything he'd learned? He knew the answer before the question even came to mind. No one would be able to just do nothing when a person they cared about destroyed themselves from the inside out. No one could justify the pain the other was suffering, especially when they were the cause of it. Maybe not directly, but all these changes began after that fateful day. What was he supposed to think?

* * *

A/N: So... What do you think Yuki did did that finally did it in for them? It must have been something horrible, right? ^_^ And Shuichi on drugs? It's almost taboo! XD but I wanted to come up with something different. And different this shall be. I promise. ^_^


	2. Chapter 2

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 2:

He was bored and the plane hadn't even taken off yet. Staring out the window at the ground far below, Shuichi Shindou contemplated his options. While America had been a blast, he missed the everyday fast paced life of his homeland. Not to mention he'd gone to the States for all the wrong reasons. He regretting nothing, but that could just be the Valium talking.

Dazed violet eyes regarded the little Americans in their florescent orange jackets waving around their light-sicks as if they were the most important people in the world. The low din of the planes engines lulled him into that false sense of security, and he told himself he wasn't going back to Japan to get away from the manipulative bastard he'd been fool enough to date during his stay. Nor was he going back to see HIM again.

Honestly, what was it with him and the pretty bad boys? He was Shuichi Shindou of Bad Luck. He could have anyone he wanted, male female, hell even both. The possibilities were endless when you were famous. And while being a star had its downfalls, there wasn't another high he experienced that could surpass the way singing on stage made him feel. Sure their music had taken a more... provocative turn, but Americans ate that shit up like sugar coated crack.

Shuichi smirked to himself and the unintentional pun, grateful that the rest of the band was too preoccupied getting situated to notice.

"Hey, Shuichi?"

"Hm?" The vocalist replied lazily, not even bothering to turn his head to see who was calling him. When Hiro sat next to him with a quizzical expression on his face, he dreaded what was to come next.

"You glad to be heading back?" Hiro started, adverting his eyes as he awkwardly tried to converse with his friend. "I bet your folks miss you."

"Yeah. Sure." Shuichi responded disinterestedly, noting that one of the Americans down below strangely looked like Oliver James on steroids. Hiro rubbed the back of his neck anxiously at Shuichi's nonchalance.

"I can't wait to see N-G's new building. I heard it gargantuan compared to the one we worked in." Hiro laughed softly, leaning back in his seat so their gun-toting manager could shove a duffle bag, no doubt loaded with explosives and other paraphernalia Hiro wasn't sure how he sneaked onto the plane, into one of the luggage compartments above their heads. The look he got from the lead singer curbed his enthusiasm immediately. The one look he only ever gave when someone interrupted him on could nine for even the most dire of reasons.

K passed a side long glance at the redheaded guitarist before taking his seat in the isle across them with Suguru. He idly wondered if Tohma Seguchi would take Shuichi's change as lightly as he did everything else. There was only so much one could hide from someone of Tohma's stature.

Suguru remained quiet, knowing first hand the delima they would be in if Shuichi had an outburst in the middle of a flight. Ever since their arrival in America, Shuichi had been least tolerant of him, and on more than one occasion, he found himself eating Shindou's fist for something as innocent as asking why he was late.

He didn't like the dramatic change in his lead vocalists attitude one bit. He missed the old Shuichi. The one who was always laughing and singing, dancing around the room in a moronic manner. Sure they got a lot less work done, but at least his annoyance was better than this feeling of dread every time Shindou walked into the room..

As the plane departed its station, Shuichi laid his head back and put in his earphones, the deafening music drowning out all thoughts as he struggled to get some sleep on a trip that he would never make again.

America had been easy on the heart, but painful on the eyes. Everything was so bright and flashy, advertisements blaring nonsense about skin cream that made you look ten years younger and the flashing lights of the media's camera's twice as blinding as what he remembered in Japan. Keeping himself intact over the past year had been the easiest thing he'd ever done with the help of a midnght companion and a few choice addictions, but now that it was all being put behind him, he felt himself unraveling again.

Inwardly he scoffed at himself for being ridiculous. The chances of running into him within the first day back was slim to none. The chances of seeing him within the first week weren't much better. So at least he would have the opportunity to gather his bearings before WW3 broke out. The plan was to stay out of the public eye for a month. That would mean that he wouldn't have to deal with the questions from the media that he'd long forgotten the answers to.

However, his peace would be short lived once word got out that he was back. Reporters and paparazzi would be flogging N-G, tearing down his front door, harassing his family, and all but driving him back into the whiskey bottle before the month was through. Then there was TV, books, magazines. The probability of never running into the blond novelist again was too much to hope for. Eventually they would cross paths again. They were both famous, it would be impossible to avoid each other completely, especially given their past relationship.

God... What if he sought him out? Singled him out in a crowd and demanded that they talk? What would he do? How WOULD he react to seeing him for the first time in a year? If anything, he had to avoid letting the media in on what happened between them, he would never live down the humiliation.

Even through his doped up haze, Shuichi felt the beginnings of a migraine coming on. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he turned the music up louder to drown out the screaming of his own thoughts. Somethings were still to painful to dwell on.

So he hadn't dealt with all his demons accordingly, but letting go was so much easier than sitting down and categorizing all his issues in alphabetical order, then calling each one of them in the dead of night to apologize for being an idiot and running away from them.

* * *

"I see... I'll have a vehicle sent to the airport to pick them up first thing in the morning... Yes, I believe it would be best to wait a few days before having them come in... Alright... Thank you." Tohma set the phone back down on his cradle and steepled his fingers in front of his face. He sat in his plush office staring at the fidgeting man taking up residence in on of the chairs. "It Seems Bad Luck has departed from America a few days early."

"W-what? B-b-b-but nothing is ready yet! We haven't organized a press conference, booked them a hotel, contacted their body-"

"I'm well aware of that, Mr. Sakano. These issues will be dealt with accordingly, we still have plenty of time before the band arrives. As I'm sure your aware, nothing will be done to bring attention to Bad Luck until they've been settled in and had the proper amount of time to rest." Tohma's calm facade teetered on irritation for his underlings incessant babbling."

"U-understood,v Sir." Sakano bowed deeply before his boss's desk.

"You are not to see them until they come into N-G. Do I make myself clear, Mr. Sakano." The tone of Tohma's voice left no doubt that it wasn't a question, as he regarded the man with a serious expression.

"B-but why, Sir?"

"That is not open for discussion at the present time, but I assure you I have my reasons. It's nothing personal towards you." The blond offered before spinning his chair around to look out the window behind his desk. "That will be all, Mr. Sakano."

* * *

His unannounced hiatus had created a bit of a rift in the steady diehard fans he'd accumulated over his career, as a result, he'd been dropped from his publishing company. Not that it mattered. They were a dime a dozen and they would clatter over themselves at the opportunity to have him under contract... If only he could write another book.

Even a short one would due for him. But as he sat there staring at the blank screen, only three words came to mind. They'd haunted him for months, refusing to let up and let him sleep a decent amount of hours, or consume much more than alcohol and the occasional take out.

Leaning back in his chair, he puled off his reading glasses and tossed them onto the desk before rubbing at his eyes frustratingly. It was all so annoying. He'd all but given up on his career, so why was he trying to write now? Why had he picked tonight of all nights to bring about this wave of absolute misery? How long would it last this time?

Last time he swore it was the last time he would even bother, yet here he was again, sitting in front of a neglected laptop, reliving every painful memory he'd ever endured, just because he couldn't get HIM out of his head.

Waking up in the middle of the night next to some stranger, or worse, alone was something he was able to deal with. The phantom sound of small feet thumping against the hardwood floors, the laughter and irritating whining was something he could not. Hell, his new neighbors penchant for slamming doors to this day still made his heart race every time he heard it. What was he hoping for exactly? That everything would return to normal once Shuichi returned to Japan? That he would come bounding through the front door with his arms open and a smile plastered on that delicate face, jump into his arms and tell him how much he missed him? That Shuichi would forget what he'd done?

"Alright, already... I fucked up." He mumbled into the darkness, golden eyes slipping shut as he tilted his head back. "...I don't have a choice."

* * *

A/N: Well isn't this getting interesting... I know it's vague now, but the pieces will come together eventually. I'm not sure how many more chapters there will be, but it won't be more than ten, as I usually go for the shorter ones. Please review if you like so far. ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 3:

If it weren't for the congested clouds of people milling about the airport, Shuichi would've made a run for it. The second he stepped of the plane he felt the indescribable urge for his next fix hours ahead of schedule.

To make matters worse, K was watching him like a hawk, as if he knew he was about to bolt. He balled his hands into fists and grit his teeth against the low hum of talking and clattering wheels of suitcases as they made their way towards the baggage claim area where they were to meet their escort.

His stomach was doing somersaults, making it difficult for him to even breath. There was just something about the nostalgia of being home that made him want to wretch. He told himself it had nothing to do with the fact that the Valiums had worn off hours ago, bring back the painful sensitivity to anything that moved or made noise.

He was nearly in a panic by the time they reached the nondescript van waiting for them outside. The cool rush of its AC a welcomed accommodation to the stale, hot air inside the airport. He actually thought he would make it to the hotel before getting sick.

Shuichi hoped that whatever God was watching him lose his meal not even fifteen minutes into the trip was getting a kick out of it, because he sure as hell wasn't. So not only were his hands shaking beyond the point of his control, his head was splitting and he would remain sick until his visit to Methadone paradise once he was alone.

Everyone wisely remained quiet. Shuichi's withdraws were nothing to mettle with, and given the current situation, any number of outcomes were possible. Hiro had in mind a few rehabilitation numbers since he'd never received a call back from Yuki. K had an old fashioned ass kicking plotted. Unfortunately, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

They'd watched in silence for too long as Shuichi drowned himself in his work and his play, praying he would get out before it was too late. They all had their fingers crossed that coming back to Japan would open the vocalists eyes. But with every mile that brought them closer to the city, their hopes began to fall.

Something as heavy as Shuichi was into wasn't something he could just quit cold turkey without making everyone suffer. While not life threateningly hooked yet, if Shuichi could get his hands on the stuff he easily obtained in America, they were all in for a long bumpy road.

* * *

"Shu, maybe you should, you know... get some help now that you're back in Japan." Hiro suggested, eying his best friend as he sprawled out on one of the double beds in their hotel room. Hiro swore Shuichi thought he was stupid when he spent forty five minutes in the bathroom with the door locked. Those vials of pure poison were Hiro's worst enemy. They dragged his friend down into the pits of despair and refused to release him from their unmerciful claws.

Shuichi grumbled something something incoherent into the thick comforter of the bed, but no made no signs of moving. His body felt like lead, yet weightless at the same time, his euphoric high clouding his mind in a haze of nothing but blackness pleasant thoughts that he couldn't even begin to comprehend.

If there was such a thing as heaven, this would be it, and once again, Hiro was being a buzzkill. Why had he agreed to rooming with him again, when he knew the redhead never kept his concerns quiet? Ah yes... The condition he was in by the time they arrived at the hotel, he would've agreed to anything if it got him to the privacy behind four walls quicker.

Hiro was about to speak again, but the shrill chirp of his cellphone had him shooting to his feet and prying the device out of his back pocket, flipping the phone open, his eyes widened in surprise at the number.

"Hey, Shu. I'm gonna go get something to eat, I'll be back later. Do you want anything?" His words fell on deaf ears, as Shuichi lay face down on the bed, unconscious. Sighing, he hit the talk button on his phone on the way out the door. "You the last person I expected to hear from."

* * *

They stared across the table at each other as if they were unsure as to why the other was there. Both noted that the other had changed minimally over the past year, and for one of them, it was a relief. They picked an inconspicuous cafe to meet at, and as they waited for their beverages, they stared each other down like a pair of outlaws.

"Why me?"

"Who else could I ask?"

"Hn." The scowl that had been slowly making its presence known on the blond novelists face became more apparent. "The brat dumped me. I thought that was the end of it. Why are YOU dragging me into a mess that I have no business even being involved in? What he does with his life is no concern of mine."

"Bullshit." Hiro snarled, his own eyes narrowing. "I don't know what happened between you two exactly, but Shu wouldn't be like this if it weren't for you."

"Now it just sounds like you're looking for someone to point a finger at. Blame anyone as long as it's not you."

"You self righteous bastard. I 'know' who's fault it is. The problem is that we waited this long to do anything about it and now it's too late. We've lost our chance. 'That's' Why I called you."

"Then what's the point of trying?" Yuki sighed, rubbing his temple to quell his oncoming headache. "I never said I 'wouldn't' help. But what do you expect me to do?" Both quieted as the waitress brought over their drinks. The few seconds of silence was deafening.

"Be Yuki again." Hiro mumbled as he stared down at his steaming cup of coffee. "Even if it's a lie, be the Yuki Shuichi needs to get get clean."

This piqued the writers interest. He didn't know who the Yuki Nakano was referring to, but he was sure he didn't mean the one he was now. It made him question whether he would really be able to mend person who'd once loved him to the point of insanity.

Staring down into the inky blackness of his own hot beverage, he sighed heavily. Shuichi loved him, and he'd twisted those feelings into something unrecognizable to the point that the young pop star snapped. He'd pushed him too far and jeopardized everything in the kid's life. All because he took for granted that Shuichi would always be there.

Measures had been taken to protect Shuichi from the outside world, but who was there to save him from himself? No, this was his mess to clean up. If it meant sacrificing his sanity to fix what he'd done... so be it.

"Give me a week." Yuki stood and dropped a tip on the table. "I'll contact you. Keep him alive until then. If... If I have your full support behind this, I'll break him all over again if I have to."

Hiroshi smiled sadly and nodded in agreement. It was their last chance to bring back the old Shuichi. If that person even existed anymore. Whatever Yuki did, it couldn't possibly make matters any worse.

–

A/N: So from here on out, this is where things get interesting. ^_^ hope you've stuck with me this long, because it's gonna be one hell of a roller coaster ride from here on out. What exactly does Yuki have planed? It big what is if it will wake Shuichi up. Tune in next time for the thrill you've all been waiting for. Oh, and please review! ^_^


	4. Chapter 4

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 4:

Shuichi smirked as he checked himself out in the full length mirror. The blue jeans and white button up T over a black muscle shirt looked good on him. The three silver loops adorning the cartilage of both ears and the white seashell necklace completed the ensemble. Dark Violet hair and eyes highlighted with black eyeliner had him edible even to the straightest of the downtown thugs.

Hiro sighed and stopped for what seemed like the millionth time that night. It was the last time he took the vain pop star pat a window and mirror shop, that was for sure. Checking his watch, his anxiety grew. They had fifteen minutes to be at the appointed place if things were going to go as planed.

At fifteen after seven, they still had a ways to go before the reached the downtown condominium. Shuichi thought they were going to a party. Hiro knew different. That afternoon, he'd finally recieved the call with a time and address where the plan would be set into motion.

Hiro spent most of the week wondering how they were going to get Shuichi within a mile radius of the novelist, let alone in the same room. But this way, there was no way for Shuichi to escape. At least, that's the way Yuki made it sound. He was beyond curious as to the extent and detail the romance writer had gone to, it it grew when he realized they were moving away from Yuki's old apartment, instead of towards it.

If Shuichi suspected anything, he didn't let on. His drug induced stupor left him giddy and full of energy to burn. Hiro knew his friend would probably never forgive him for leading him into a trap, but for the sake of his life, he was willing to put their friendship on hold for as long as it took.

As they rounded the next corner, Hiro noticed the building they were looking for and mustered his courage as they crossed the busy street. It was nondescript, yet screamed of high class wealth, the balconies littered with expensive patio furniture and rare plants.

Upon entering the lobby, Shuichi headed straight for the elevator, eager for the nights events. Hiro hung back, watching his friend with an almost amused expression. It was unbelievable how easily Shuichi was going along with this. It almost made him feel guilty for lying.

"What's taking you so long?" Shuichi whined impatiently at the same time the elevator doors pinged and slid open.

"You head on up, I'm just going to have a word with doorman to let him know about the body guards outside so he doesn't flip and call the cops or something." The redheaded guitarist offered with an innocent smile, waving his friend off. "Go on up, I'll be there in a second." When Shuichi shrugged and disappeared behind the elevator doors, Hiro's shoulders slumped with relief.

Turning and leaning against the wall, he checked his watch. He had ten minutes before he would stay true to his words and come up after Shuichi.

* * *

Shuichi softly hummed a small tune as he watched the numbers above the doors light up one by one. When the elevator stopped on the seventh floor, he poked his head out and looked down each end of the hallway.

"It's awfully quiet. What kind of party is this?" Sighing, he stepped out and turned left down the hallway. He'd walked past four doors until he came to the deep mahogany door with three golden numbers adorning it. The door itself was slightly ajar, revealing pitch blackness inside.

Curious, he checked the address again. It was the right place, but where were all the people? Why didn't he hear music? Pushing the door open, he stepped inside, calling out for anyone inside to answer him.

Thinking that perhaps it was a surprise welcome home party, a grin spread over his face. The door clicked shut behind him and he searched blindly for a light switch as he toed off his shoes.

"Ha. Ha. Guys, this isn't-" Shuichi's words dies on his lips when the condo flooded with light, nearly blinding him. There was nothing. Well, that wasn't entirely true. The open expanse of the living room was completely bare save a lush looking lazy boy. This particular piece of furniture was hardly the cause of his increased heart rate, his sweaty palms, or even the sever panic that raced through his mind.

All at once, it became harder to breath a eyes the color of spilled honey regarded him coolly. The room suddenly felt like it was closing in on him, suffocating him, even as the one person he hope to never see again sat there, an ankle resting over a knee, completely stoic and unmoving.

Turning on his heels, Shuichi reached for the door knob. Twisting and turning it got him nowhere. The heavy door wouldn't budge. He tried the locks, both of them. He found it odd that there was a third lock with the key hole one the inside. When it hit him, his body went numb with dread.

"It's not going to open, Shu." The collected voice from behind Shuichi made him cringe.

"Don't call me that! Let me out of here right now!" Yelling, Shuichi rounded on the novelist.

Closing hi eyes, Yuki sighed and pressed his fingers into his temple. He was expecting him to resist. He'd planned ahead for that. But the person who had walked through that door looked like anything but Shuichi. The shorter, dark hair threw him off immediately, but one look into those terrified violet hues and he knew the truth. It was Shuichi, and this was the last place on the he wanted to be.

"I can't do that Shuichi."

"Why the FUCK not!" Shuichi spat, balling his fists angrily as he stared his ex-lover down with cold eyes. "I don't want to see you!

Yuki felt a pang of guilt at the reaction he received. No. This wasn't Shuichi... This was a monser he was more than partially responsible for creating. This was the result of two years of constantly fucking with Shuichi's feelings until he broke his heart.

"... You need help, Shuichi." Placing his foot back down on the floor, he leaned forward, placing his elbows on his knees as he looked him dead in the eyes.

"Go to hell! I don't want help! Especially yours!" He ground out, fighting the urge to throw himself at the door again and claw his way out if he had to. "And stop saying my name!"

Rolling his eyes, Yuki knew he was getting nowhere with the nice act. It finally clicked what Hiro had told him about being the Yuki Shuichi needed, and he smirked, reaching in his chest pocket and pulling out a brass key.

"Really now? Well, it looks like you don't have much of a choice, now does it?" Flashing the key at the irate pop star, Yuki stood from his seat. "We can do this the easy way..." He started as he slipped the key back into his pocket. "Or, we can do thi-" Yuki didn't have the chance to finish his sentence before Shuichi lunged.

* * *

A/N: XD Awesome! Now this is a Shuichi I can relate to sometimes. Find out the results of such an epic battle in the up coming chapter. Oh... it's gonna be juicy. ^_^ Just you wait. I got a lot in store for this pair this time, so hold on and grab some popcorn during the brief intermission, as the next chapter is coming right up. Oh. And review please?


	5. Chapter 5

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 5:

It could have been any number of things that cause him to switch from flight to fight mode. All Shuichi knew was that this man, the man who his entire world revolved around only a year ago, was standing in the way of his freedom.

Yuki didn't have a chance to block the punch or catch himself as they clattered to the floor in a heap, Shuichi's still smaller frame straddling him before he could recover from the blow or the shock. When he felt icy cold fingers close around his windpipe, it triggered pure survival instincts. Shoving the younger man backwards, he backhanded him hard enough that the vocalist was thrown off of him to the floor, the echo of the slap ringing though the empty room like thunder.

Propping himself up on a hand, Yuki wiped at his bleeding lip with his other, his rough breathing making his chest ache with exertion as mixed feeling tore through him. He stared disbelievingly at Shuichi as he lay partially on his side, his face covered by a trembling arm.

God he'd... He'd hit Shuichi. He tried to justify his actions by pointing out that the brat had hit him first, but the guilt gnawed at him until he thought he would be sick. His heart dropped to his stomach when the singer pushed himself up on his arms, revealing his crying eyes, bloody nose and split lip.

"Shu... I'm-" He reached for him.

"Don't touch me!" Shuichi sobbed turning away from him before burying his face in his hands, weeping openly. "Why are you doing this to me? I just want yo to leave me alone!"

"Shuichi..." Yuki felt his throat constrict painfully. What could he possibly say? He didn't even know where to begin to make up for the suffering he'd caused him.

"Please..."

Shuichi's voice barely registered over the soft sobs, but the utterly defeated tone of his ex-lover's voice devastated him.

"Please let me go..." Shuichi begged into his hands. "Please let me go..."

Choking back tears not even the most tragic scenes could induce from him, Yuki pulled Shuichi into his arms, hugging him tightly to himself even as the other fought viciously to get free. He winced as Shuichi screamed and thrashed, digging his blunt nails into the flesh of his arms and hands. He very nearly let go when he felt a set of teeth sink into his shoulder hard enough to break the skin, but he held tighter, burying his face in the crook of the others neck to avoid being hit in the face again.

The more Shuichi struggled, the tighter Yuki held him. The more secure the novelist's hold on him got, the harder Shuichi cried. Eventually, Shuichi wore himself out and fell into a fitful sleep. With a soft sigh, Yuki shifted until his back rested against the side of the chair.

His breath hitching as tears tailed down his blood smeared cheek, Shuichi unconsciously wrapped his arms around the blond's neck and rested his head against his chest. This was the picture Hiro got when he walked into the apartment, taking care to leave the door open a crack.

Shocked speechless, he regarded their disheveled appearance. He'd been expecting a lot worse, to be honest. But one thing he hadn't taken into account was the outcome of such a fight. Out of the two of them, Yuki looked far worse than Shuichi.

"He fell asleep." The monotonous tone of the novelist's voice spoke volumes of the battle that had just taken place. Shuichi had been Subdued, but Yuki was the one who sounded utterly defeated.

"Well... The first mission's been accomplished. What are you going to do when he comes to?"

"I don't... know—"

"Don't tell me this is as far as you planned this." Hiro interjected with a quirked brow. If that was the case, they were in for some serious trouble.

"I don't know if I can do this..." Looking down, he regarded the sleeping form of his ex-lover. "I wasn't... I didn't think he was this bad."

"The old Shu is still in there." Hiro sat next to him, placing a comforting hand on the blond's shoulder. "Have faith in him, and yourself. You're the ONLY one who can do this for him now. If you give up, that Shuichi will be gone forever. That's something neither of us want."

"How am I supposed to get through to him when he can't even stand to look at me? I knew he was mad at me, but I had no idea just how much he hated me."

"That may be the case, but no one knows him better than you do. And I have a feeling, that deep down, what he feels isn't hatred, Subconsciously, he's still holding onto you." Offering the novelist a weak but encouraging smile as he pointed to the sleeping vocalist, Hiro stood from his spot on the floor and made his way to the front door.

Sighing after hearing the soft click of the door shutting behind the guitarist, he rested his forehead against Shuichi's shoulder. He hadn't felt this lost since he was a kid. But... Hiro was right, giving up would be the worst possible thing he could do. He'd made a mistake, and it broke Shuichi' heart. Now was his chance to set things right between them. Even if Shuichi hated him more afterward, at least he'd done his part to mend the rift in the vocalist's life.

In truth, no matter how many people he saw, no one had ever been able to take the brat's place. He'd heard somewhere that you never knew what you had until you lost it. Yuki wanted to find the person who said that and shoot 'them'. So he loved Shuichi. Why did his stupidity have to make things so much harder for the both of them?

"I fucked up, Shu... I'm sorry." Yuki whispered to the slumbering form, knowing it was the only chance he was going to get for a while. He sat there for a good two hours before his back started to protest the position. Grunting, he managed to get to his feet without dropping the younger man, and carried him back to the bedroom.

He eyed the empty room, and the bed located along the far wall. Laying Shuichi down and covering him with a light blanket, he went to the bathroom to retrieve a rag to clean the pop stars face of all the evidence of their scuffle. Knowing that when Shuichi woke, he was going to be far from happy.

* * *

A/N: I know it's a bit shorter than I would have liked, but I wanted to leave it off there, so that the next chapter could start when Shuichi wakes up. Call me cruel, I know. I PROMISE this fic will get better as the chapters progress, but right now, I really want to make sure the characters feelings are understood before I work on any relationship developments. Tune in next time to see just WHY Shuichi is going to be pissed. ^.~ Oh. And review please!


	6. Chapter 6

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 6:

Shuichi woke to a dark, silent room, his head splitting in two. Groaning in agony he cradled his his face in his hand and hissed at the pain in his right cheek. In the time it took him to register his surroundings, everything came crashing back with crystal clarity.

Jumping into a sitting position, he yelped as his arm was jerked behind him and something metallic bit into his wrist. Panic rose up in him once again as he struggled to pull free, but the handcuffs binding him to the wrought iron headboard of the bed refused to budge.

Whimpering, he threw himself back onto the pillow. His mind struggled to grasp the situation. The sever migraine blocked most of his rational thought. What time was it? Where exactly was he? Why didn't Hiro ever show up?

He felt anger boil up inside him at the thought that his best friend was in on it from the beginning. So he'd been betrayed... Again. The second thing he noticed, was that he wasn't wearing the clothes he came in. His shirts had been removed and his pants had been replaced with a pair of comfortable sleep pants. Fear seized him again, he could feel the remnants of his last fix wearing off, and his next was hidden in the back pocket of his jeans.

He tried to take deep breaths to calm himself, knowing that losing his head would get him nowhere. He would jut have to wait for-.

The bedroom door creaked open slowly, flooding the room with light from the hallway, and Shuichi winced, jerking his head away from the piercing brightness. Yuki took this as a sign that the vocalists was awake and stepped into the room, leaving the door open so that he could see.

"Shuichi." His voice demanded attention, but Shuichi refused to acknowledge him. Sighing, the blond moved to sit on the far corner of the bed, out of the others swinging range. "Are you calmed down enough so that we can talk?"

"No. Now let me go." Shuichi's monotonous tone riled the writers temper and he had to pause a moment to calm it before he did something else he would regert.

"I can't do that Shuichi."

"Why?" The shorter male groaned, turning onto his side and burying his head in the pillow. "What do you want from me? Whatever it is, just name it and it's yours! Why are you doing this to me? Why couldn't you just leave me alone?"

"Why? So you can go back out on the streets and pump your veins full of 'more' poison? I don't think so. I don't want anything from you, and you aren't going anywhere until you're clean from that shit."

"You can't do this! This is kidnapping!" Shuichi yelled, rolling back over and sitting up.

"I can do whatever I want with you for the next two weeks. You might as well get comfortable and resign yourself to a painful next few days, Shuichi, because you aren't going to find a fix locked up in this room.

"I HATE YOU!" Shuichi cried, appalled at the situation he was in. Fear coursed through him at the thought of going through withdraw, and it caused him to struggle harder. The agony of going through such a thing was not something he'd ever anticipated doing.

"... I know you do. But that changes nothing." Sighing, Yuki stood from the bed and left the room, shutting the door quietly after him.

No sooner than the door clicked shut, the screaming started.

Fourteen hours and counting. Yuki was about ready to rip his hair out. Stepping out of the apartment, he dialed his brother-in-laws number on his cell phone and hit the call button. As per usual, it was answered on the second ring.

"I need you at my new place. Now."

* * *

Tohma wasted no time closing up his office for the day and heading out into the rush hour traffic. Eiri hadn't specified what the visit was for, but the urgency in his voice never failed to make the older blond worry.

When he'd arrived at the apartment, he could hear the screaming from out in the hallway, and acutely checked to make sure he had the right address. Using the key he'd received just the day before, he slipped inside the apartment, wincing at the shrill screams echoing off the empty walls. Instantly on alert, he spotted his brother-in-law sitting in a chair in the middle of the room, his face buried in his hands.

"Eiri..." Tohma moved next to to him and forced him to look at him. "Eiri, what is going on? What is that awful noise?"

"It's Shuichi." Yuki sighed and leaned back in the chair. Tohma was floored with shock.

"Eiri, I do not approve of this! He's not-!"

"Hiroshi called me a month ago... Told me what was going on. I had to do something."

"What 'is' going on? Why is he screaming like- You are NOT holding him against his will." Tohma's normally calm eyes darkened with anger when the novelist didn't respond. "This is unacceptable, Eiri! What has gotten into you?" Before the President of N-G could make a break towards the bedroom door, Yuki gripped his wrist and pulled him back. Reaching into his breast pocket, he pulled out a small vile of white powder and held it out to the older man. "He's screaming because he wants this."

Pausing, Tohma took the vile and inspected its contents. Worried eyes turned back to the writer, a thousand questions racing through his mind.

"What-."

"It's heroin, Tohma." Resting his elbow on the arm of the chair, Yuki closed his eyes and massaged his forehead.

* * *

A/N: Oooh. Another cliffie. XD. Next chapter we find out Tohma's reaction to Shuichi's addiction. Also, what happens when the screaming stops? Will Yuki finally have the chance to talk to Shuichi? And will we learn what transpired between them a year ago that caused such a devistating break up? We shall see. ^_^ Review if you liked!


	7. Chapter 7

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 7:

As the clock neared seven a.m. Tohma's eyes couldn't stay open another second. The screams and cries for help resounding throughout the apartment into the wee hours of the morning had the President teetering on the verge of a nervous break down.

Eiri had returned several times throughout the night, his arms loaded with groceries and other miscellaneous items to stock the kitchen, leaving without a word or even the barest of glances. It was then that Tohma knew the truth, and the novelist's words made all the more sense now that he could place the look in Eiri's gold eyes.

"_Eiri, if Shindou is addicted to this drug, he needs professional help."_

"_No." Was Yuki's vehement response as he pushed himself up out of the chair._

"_This isn't your responsibility, Eiri!"_

"_Keep your damn voice down. The last thing I need is for him to find out you're here."_

"_Why are you doing this, Eiri? This isn't your problem anymore." Tohma's eyes pleaded for this brother-in-law to listen to reason, even after he'd already walked off to the the front door and slipped his shoes on._

"_That's not true... I'm at least partially, if not fully responsible for this mess. He needs me, and I need to do this."_

"_Eiri, please... Listen to what I'm saying. What happened wasn't you're fault! You couldn't have known!"_

"_I should have, though. If I'd paid attention to what was going on, it should have been obvious. Bottom line is... I still did what I did, and it wasn't the first time I did it... I have no excuse, so stop trying to make one for me."_

"_Eiri..."_

"_I hurt him, Tohma. I hurt him like Kitazawa hurt me. I don't expect him to forgive me, but I can't live with this guilt anymore." With that, the younger blond slipped out of the apartment, leaving Tohma alone with the shrieking pop star._

It wasn't guilt.

For an entire year Tohma sat back and watched his most precious person slip farther and farther into depression. It killed him that no matter what he tried, nothing seemed to bring Eiri around. Tohma despised Shindou for leaving his brother-in-law in such a condition, but Eiri was right. It didn't matter how many excuses he made for him, Eiri had hurt Shindou far worse than the older blond had thought possible.

But that was over a year ago. What was done was done. Shindou had no right dragging Eiri back into his life, especially when it was obvious the singer had no intention of forgiving him. He supposed it was for the best, Eiri and Shindou were like poison for each other. While he never really approved of their relationship in the first place, Tohma regretting allowing the pop star to get as far as he did with the novelist. There had been nothing but problems ever since.

He expected Shindou to return to Japan and leave the writer well enough alone. So why was he sitting in his brother-in-laws new apartment, listening to the vocalist scream his lungs out while Eiri went on a shopping spree?

It was simple. The look in Eiri's eyes left Tohma with no room to doubt. Despite everyone's belief that the pair were through, neither of them had truly moved on. While he could never deny Eiri anything, it pained him deeply to recognize that saddened expression on his face. With a defeated sigh, Tohma rubbed his weary eyes.

"He still loves him..."

–

Yuki felt like a complete coward for leaving Tohma with Shuichi. But he was the only person he could trust that Shuichi's suffering wouldn't phase. He knew Hiro wouldn't be able to handle it and would eventually try to help him. No, what Shuichi needed was the cool cruelty of someone who was going to see this through to the end.

Unfortunately, not even Yuki could be that person right now. It hurt him more than he'd like to admit, to sit out in the living room and listen to his ex-lover's screams, feeling helpless and unable to do anything to sooth the singer.

Every cry for help was like a dagger to the heart. The tears he knew were streaming down Shuichi's flushed cheeks unearthing memories he wished he could forget. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have been so careless with something so precious as Shuichi's heart? And these were the consequences.

Shuichi escaped to America and destroyed himself because Yuki had been too blind to realize just how much the young vocalist loved him. There were so many pieces to put back together, but Shuichi had his whole life in front of him. There were countless reasons for him to get clean and live life to the fullest, yet there he was, drowning in self pity and heartache, and he'd done nothing.

There was no way he could have known the extent of Shuichi's misery after he'd left Japan, but that didn't mean that he should have just left it the way he did. He shouldn't have accepted that Shuichi was gone and wasn't coming back. Maybe, if he'd done something back then, all of this could have been avoided, perhaps they could have worked things out.

Like an idiot, he isolated himself and wallowed in his own misery instead of doing something to set things right. Now it was too late to change the course of the past year, but he wasn't about to give up on the hope that Shuichi could be healed. If it put his own sanity at risk, so be it.

The moving company would be at the new apartment in less than an hour, he only hoped Shuichi would wear himself out by then, or someone was going to jail. More than likely, him.

–

Tohma blinked awake an hour later to absolute silence. Slipping out of the chair, he walked down the hallway and pressed his ear to the bedroom door. Inside, he could here Shindou's weak sobs, and for once, the cold and calculated man couldn't ignore the tug at his heart.

The kid sounded so defeated... to imagine the agony he must be going through as he was forced into withdraw had to be horrible. Eiri had told him not go go in the bedroom, that seeing Tohma there would only make matters worse. He could be a prick sometimes, but what if Shindou really did need help? What if it was too much to handle and Shindou ended up going into shock? Sitting outside the bedroom door and doing nothing would make him just as guilty as Eiri for kidnapping him.

Sighing, the blond went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass of cold water. He went back to the bathroom and slipped inside quietly. The early morning sun providing him just enough light to see where he was going, and to notice the disheveled mess laying on the bed on its side, Shindou's small body wracked with forceful sobs.

Rounding the bed, the glass in his hand nearly slipped from his grasp at the sight of the singer's bloody and raw wrist cuffed to the headboard. Appalled and more than a little concerned, he sat next to the younger man and placed a reassuring hand on his trembling shoulder.

He cringed at how hot Shindou felt to the touch. A fever must have spiked sometime during the night, drenching the vocalist in sweat and delirium. He also noticed the dark bruise forming along the star's slightly swollen cheek, and the shallow split in his lip.

"Shindou..." Tohma spoke softly so as to not startle the younger man, but Shuichi made no move to acknowledge him. Calling his name again, he was relieved when deep violet eyes cracked open to regard him pitifully.

"S-Seg-"

"Shhh... Don't try to speak, Shindou. Here, drink this." Moving forward, Tohma lifted the singer's head and pressed the glass of water to his lips.

His throat burning and his mouth parched, Shuichi accepted the water greedily, taking large gulps as his free hand came up to steady the glass. Once it was empty and the President pulled the glass away, Shuichi drew in large gasps of air.

"A-Are you h-here to help me?"

"I'm afraid not, Shindou." When the singer's hopeful expression died, Tohma turned away just so he wouldn't have to bear witness to what had Eiri jumping at the first opportunity to get away.

"Please... I'm begging for you to help me! Get me out of here!" Shuichi sobbed, tugging on his restraints again. Biting his lip, Tohma left the room without a word, returning several minutes later with another glass of water and a wet wash cloth.

Sitting the glass on the floor because there were no other pieces of furniture in the room, he resumed his seat on the side of the bed and carefully began cleaning the vocalist's bleeding wrist around the handcuffs. Shindou didn't resist, for which Tohma was grateful.

The small whimpers and hisses of pain emitting from his most prestigious talent urged him to be more cautious as he cleaned the area Shuichi had rubbed raw until it bled.

"Why is he doing this..." Shuichi's whispered question gave Tohma pause.

"I'm not entirely sure. One thing I'm certain of though, is despite how you feel about him, Eiri still cares deeply for you, and he can't stand to see you this way." Sighing he dropped the rag to the floor and picked up the glass of water. Repeating his earlier actions, he watched as Shuichi all but inhaled the water until not even the last drop remained.

"I hate him for what he did to me..." Shuichi said as his head was rested back on the pillow.

"I understand how you feel, Shindou. If Mika had done something like that, I more than likely wouldn't have reacted any better than you did... But why drugs, Shindou? Surely you knew that nothing good would come of it."

"It all went away..." Shuichi whispered, another tear trailing down his cheek.

"I'm sorry?"

"Getting high was the only thing that made it all go away. Every hit... Every fix... Made it easier t deal with the pain." His eyes slipping closed, he covered them with his arm as more tears started to fall. "Before I knew it, I'd accomplished a state of complete numbness. I didn't care what happened to my body as long as my heart wasn't given the chance to remember what started it all..."

Tohma's expression deepened into one of pure sadness. Shindou had always worn his heart on his sleeve. It made him vulnerable to the outside world. Yet... The one person who broke that heart was the one person who was supposed to protect it.

Even Tohma could not forgive his brother-in-law for the treacherous act he committed to such a pure soul. The one person in the world who gave Eiri his heart unconditionally had been broken in much the same manner Eiri had been. He disliked Shindou simply for the fact that he'd been able to help Eiri in ways that no one, not even he, ever could. But no one deserved what Shindou had gone through.

For this reason, Tohma silently agreed to help the novelist in any way he could. Getting Shindou back up on his feet was the only way anything would improve in any of their lives.

"Sleep, Shindou." Tohma patted him gently on the shoulder before retrieving the bloodied rag and leaving the room. Wandering back out to the kitchen, he set the glass and the cloth on the counter and pulled out his cell phone to call his private Physician.

* * *

A/N: So... Can anyone guess what Yuki did yet? And yes, I made Tohma nice for once. While I think he can be a total dick when he wants to, he's still human, right? I was also able to make this chapter longer by adding a flash back and more dialogue, so if you like, leave me a review. So far it looks like there might be a total of 12 chapters, but don't quote me on that. There might be more or less, depending on reviews and where the story carries itself. Again, review! ^_^


	8. Chapter 8

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 8:

Yuki returned just as the moving company pulled into the back area of the building. He stopped by the Super attendants office for the lift key before heading up to his apartment to check if the coast was clear.

Upon entering, he Tohma standing in the kitchen speaking to an elderly man in a physicians coat. Curiosity getting the better of him, he joined them in the kitchen. The man was Dr. Amano, Tohma's private physician, and he was there at Tohma's request.

"I've checked his vitals, and he seems to be stable. The delirium is no doubt caused by the fever. He'll experience such for the next few days as his system adjusts to the withdraw." The doctor spoke in a professional tone, pushing his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose.

"I see. Is there anything you can give him to help him get through this?" This piqued Yuki's interest immediately. Not only was Tohma being civil, he was actually trying to lessen the pop star's suffering. His attention returned to the doctor when the older man shook his head in a negative gesture.

"I'm afraid there isn't much I can do at this point. Rehab patients are usually given Methadone to lessen the symptoms, but from what I've gathered, he's been using that as a type of bridge until he could get something stronger into his system. All Methadone would do now is prolong the recovery period."

Yuki remained silent as the two of them continued their discussion. The things he learned from listening to the doctor just about made him sick. When Shuichi didn't have heroin at his disposal, he popped pain killers to hold him over until he could get some, this in turn increased his tolerance for them.

Shuichi wasn't even in the danger zone yet. How much worse could things have gotten if he hadn't intervened when he did? Though the apartment was quiet, he could only imagine how much pain his ex-lover was in.

"Eiri!" Tohma snapped. He'd called the novelist's name three times without getting a reply. This time, however, the other blond jerked back to reality and looked at him with a dazed expression.

"Right. I'll be stopping by every day after work to check up on him. I'm going to leave you with my number in case of an emergency. Do you have any controlled substances on the premiss?" Dr. Amano spoke directly to Yuki, his warm gray eyes regarding him with a calmness Yuki would kill to feel at the moment.

"No... I got rid of the rest of his drugs while I was out."

"Alright. While I commend you for your patience and willingness to do this, if you ever need help, please do not hesitate to call a professional. Mr. Shindou will get a lot worse before he gets any better."

Nodding without a word, Yuki turned and exited the apartment. He took the stairs down to the loading dock, all the while thinking about what the doctor had said. He dreaded the next stage of Shuichi's recovery, especially when there was nothing he could give him to take away the pain. He just hoped that by the end of this, Shuichi would realize that he wasn't the only one suffering.

Opening the garage like door for the movers, he warned them not to make as little noise as possible. All the furniture would be put in the dining room and kitchen, and the boxes would be placed in the spare bedroom in an organized fashion. Under no circumstances would they enter the bedroom at the end of the hall. If they complied with these rules, a generous tip would be rewarded to each of them.

By the time he returned upstairs, the doctor was gone and Tohma was pulling on his shoes. The place was still eerily quiet, and it unnerved him. He noticed the Business card nd several instruction sheets laying on the counter when he went into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water, but paid them little mind as he walked back out to see Tohma out.

"Are you sure you can handle this, Eiri?"

"Yeah... If Shuichi can live through this, then so can I." The doubtful look he received told him Tohma didn't believe a word of this, but Yuki was grateful the older man didn't press the issue.

"He's asleep now. The doctor was able to give him a mild sedative to help him get some rest, but he warned that Shindou would wake up and feel very strange for the fist half hour or so." Tohma waited as Yuki unlocked the door from the inside and allowed his brother-in-law passage out into the hallway just as the first wave of boxes emerged from the lift at the end of the hall. "If you need 'anything', Eiri, please call me."

"Yeah. Thanks for staying with him." Yuki responded nonchalantly.

–

Four hours later the movers were on their last trip up. He was surprised that they were able to remain as quiet as they did. Be barely noticed them as he sat in the hair in the living room, reading a book he'd pulled out of one of the boxes earlier.

When they finally finished, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick fold of bills, splitting it up into fours and distributing it between the four workers, who seemed more than pleased at their reward. The blond showed them out before making his way into the kitchen to prepare a light meal for himself and Shuichi when he woke up. As he did, he read over the instructions the doctor had left for him.

After he was finished, he walked back the hallway and slipped into the bedroom. The light streaming through the window brightened the room enough that he could tell the actual color of the pain on the walls. Thinking maybe Shuichi would have a headache much like a hangover when he awoke, he took the light blanket that had been kicked to the floor and used it to cover the window as best he could, only allowing the slightest gap in the side so that he could still see without having o turn the light on.

When he was satisfied with his work, he turned back to the bed and decided to risk sitting on the side Shuichi was sleeping on. He looked o peaceful, Yuki almost didn't want to wake him, but he knew the signer was probably starving. Calling his name gently, he shook his ex-lover's shoulder gently.

"Shuichi..." When violet eyes slowly peeked open and looked up at him in confusion, Yuki remembered what Tohma said about the vocalists feeling off once he woke up.

"Y—Yu...ki..." Shuichi murmured groggily.

"Shu..."

"Why, Yuki..." The singer's whisper had Yuki leaning in closer to hear him properly. It wasn't until then that the novelist saw the fresh new tears collecting in Shuichi's eyes. "How could you do this to me?"

"Shu-" The blond knew immediately what the other was talking about, the raw emotion in his voice cut through him like a knife, stealing his words before they could even leave his lips.

"I loved you so much... And you-" Shuichi's breath hitched, cutting off his sentence as the first tear fell. "Why? What was so wrong with ME!" The first sob nearly had Yuki running for the door. If only he could bring his legs to move. Reaching out, he wiped the tears from the younger man's face. Shuichi pushed his hand away in much the same way a two year old would when he was getting his face cleaned. Under different circumstances, Yuki would have smiled.

"You did nothing wrong, Shu, and there's nothing wrong with you." Yuki whispered as more tears fell from Shuichi's eyes. He was just as quick to wipe those away as well. "I could sit here telling you how sorry I am for being so stupid, but I know it won't change how you feel."

"It hurt so much to see you with-."

"I know... I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry, but I want to make this better. For the both of us." Yuki spoke to him in a soft, soothing voice, brushing dark purple bangs back out of the singer's face, noticing for the first time that his ex- lover had a rather extensive set of ear piercings that only accentuated his elfish charm.

Before he realized what he was doing, he found himself leaning in closer until his lips were but a hairs breadth away from Shuichi's. The other made no move to get away, but Yuki was fearful of taking such a drastic step.

"Do you still love me?" Shuichi' soft whisper caught him off guard, but he didn't pull away, instead, gold eyes stared down into the bottomless depths of violet, unsure about answering the question with anything but total honesty.

"And if I do?" He responded equally as soft. He was caught by surprise again when Shuichi made the next move.

* * *

A/N: XD Someone's going to strangle me for this cliffie, I just know it. But oh well. I love keeping everyone in suspense like this, it keeps them reading. If you like, then review. ^_^ If you don't like, still review. XD Until next time people.


	9. Chapter 9

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 9:

Soft, pliant lips crashed against his own with such intensity that Yuki's breath caught in his throat. Golden eyes slipped closed as teeth nipped at his bottom lip and deft fingers slipped into his hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened.

Growling softly, Shuichi forced his tongue past the others lips, the hand in silken locks tightening as the blond started and drew back slightly. The pleasure that coursed through him at the first initial contact had the young pop stars head reeling, but he didn't retreat. Instead, he pushed himself up with his restricted arm, tilting his head to the side as he plundered the blond' mouth passionately.

Rational thought fled the novelist the moment he tasted Shuichi's lips on his own. It had been so long since he'd experienced such perfection, and he thoroughly enjoyed it, wrapping his arm around Shuichi's middle, pressing their warm bodies closer. Shuichi was naturally a good kisser, but he'd never taken the initiative to such an extent before. Against his better judgment, Yuki felt himself becoming aroused.

When Shuichi pulled away, he had to mentally stop himself from smirking at the look the blond gave him. Leaning in again, he brushed his lips against the novelist's lightly, reveling in the way the other's breath hitched.

"If yo love me... Let me go." Shuichi whispered, nipping Yuki's bottom lip.

"No." The word left Yuki's mouth before he could even contemplate it, rewarding him with an infuriated growl from the singer as he flopped back on the pillow and tried his damnedest to cross his arms.

"You're impossible!" Shuichi screamed, regretting the quick movement when everything rushed back into focus with nauseating clarity. His stomach rolled, but he swallowed back the sickness as his limbs began to tremble. Wincing, he pressed the heel of his palm against his temple and curled in on himself, groaning.

"Shuichi?" Yuki reached for him again, only to have hi hand slapped away, violet eyes glaring at him through an angry haze.

"Don't touch me! Get out of my sight! I hate you!" Shuichi screamed as tears welled in his eyes again. Yuki moved off the bed only seconds before the singer's legs kicked out violently. He stepped backwards until his back hit the door, watching as his ex-lover thrashed and sobbed recklessly on the mattress. Every time those three words were flung at him, Yuki felt his heart breaking more. Unable to take any more, he left the bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.

He leaned back against the door and listened to the fitful curses Shuichi screamed. His hand flew to his mouth, covering it as the fist sob escaped him, and he slid down the door into a sitting position, drawing his knees up to his chest, the tears finally breaking through to trail down his pale cheeks.

–

It didn't take long for Shuichi to calm down this time, his entire body aching as if he'd been hit by a speeding train. Not only was his head splitting in two once again, but now he could even hear the phantom echoes of his own crying.

Blinking, he stilled his breathing as he listened to the soft noise coming, not from the room, but just outside it's door. Closing his eyes, he fought the urge to call out to him. The pain he felt from his withdrawal paled in comparison to the pain he experienced at he mere thought of Yuki crying.

He'd seen it only once before, and even a year after their separation, it still had the same effect on him. The heat of his fever drowned him in a sea of misery, and all he could think about was the regret of making Yuki hurt. God he was pathetic!

"_He deserves it! Don't you dare feel sorry for him!_" Shuichi berated himself mentally, but he couldn't quell the pang of guilt every time he heard the novelist's breath hitch, or heard him sniff away more tears.

Sighing, he rolled onto his side and buried his head in the pillow, desperately trying to drown out the sound of his ex-lover's tears. Trying instead to focus solely on the pain wracking his body.

Shuichi lost count of how many hours he laid there listening to Yuki on the other side of the door. Eventually he'd fallen asleep, and when he came to again, the room was pitch black and the silence permeating the air was stifling.

He shifted uncomfortably as the sweat that covered his body made his pants and the sheet under him cling to him. Dazed eye searched the room, unable to focus on anything a his head lolled from one side to the other in his lethargic state. His mouth was arid as a desert and when he tried to yell out, nothing but the barest of a whisper came out.

He felt sick again, his insides churning and cramping painfully with every breath. It was like shock therapy to his guts, and Shuichi wanted nothing more than to just stop breathing. No matter how minimal the movement was, it hurt. Sitting still hurt worse than breathing, but breathing was the only think keeping him sane.

He counted each repetition as if it was going to be his last. When the door cracked open and bright yellow light poured in, Shuichi didn't even have the energy to turn away.

Yuki moved to the bed and uncuffed Shuichi's wrist without a word. Drawing the limp form into his arms, he carried Shuichi out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. His attention wasn't diverted even when the singer whined weakly at the bright light and the sound of running water.

With quick accuracy, Yuki undressed him and lowered him into the lukewarm water. He laid him back and washed his hair first, and when he moved on to wash his body, he did it with the cold professionalism of a nurse taking care of a sick patient.

Shuichi said nothing, nor did he move a muscle, but all the while, his eyes remained locked on Yuki's face, searching for some- any kind of emotion. The blond's expression was completely blank, giving no indication to what he was thinking about. There were no tears in his eyes, but they were bloodshot and weary, as if the only think keeping them open was pure determination.

Lifting a shaky hand, he placed it against the novelist's cheek, finally capturing his attention. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words wouldn't come. He tried to clear his throat, to regain his voice and his stomach lurched again.

Jumping forward Shuichi reached the toilet next to the bathtub just in the nick of time before he started retching. He barely registered the feel of a plush towel being wrapped around him, followed by a pair of secure arms holding him from beside him, one hand occasionally coming up to push the hair out of his face as they sat on the side of the tub for what felt like hours.

* * *

A/N: I didn't like this chapter much, so I decided to end it here. Next one will be better, but at least I gave one of my reviewers what they wanted. ^_^ So I'm happy. If you liked, review, and if you didn't, go to hell. XD


	10. Chapter 10

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 10:

It was quarter after seven of the next evening when Shuichi fell into a restless slumber. Worry began to mount in Yuki, as Shuichi still refused anything but water. He picked up the cordless in the kitchen and was about to dial the number Tohma's physician had left him, when he heard the quiet knock at the door.

He couldn't recall much other than spending the past thirty-six hours in the bathroom with Shuichi, but he was pretty sure he wasn't expecting company. Placing the phone back on the counter top, he walked out into the foyer and used the key in his shirt pocket to unlock the deadbolt on the inside and swung the door open.

Golden hazel eyes stared blankly at the person standing in the hallway outside his apartment. It was a face he hadn't seen in over a year, and one he would gladly pay to never see again.

The man stood with his hands buried in the front pockets of his designer jeans, dark blue eyes staring back at him guiltily through chestnut colored bangs. The look on his face spoke volumes that he knew he shouldn't be there, yet the undeniable urge to help forced him into taking action.

"What. The. Fuck. Are you doing here?" Yuki spat venomously, his eyes narrowing on the other as if looks alone would make the man drop dead where he stood. On the contrary, the man cast his eyes to the carpeted floor of the hallway and shuffled his feet nervously.

"I, um... I heard from T-Tohma that he was back. Hiro told me what was going on and where I could find you, and I just had to come..." The man spoke softly, not meeting the novelist's heated glower. "I just have to tell him how sorry I am! I didn't think-!"

"Of course you didn't think." Yuki shot back. "You aren't capable of coherent thought even on a good day, but that's besides the point. He doesn't want to hear it from you any more than he wants to hear it from me."

"B-but that's not fair! What gives-"

"I have every right, damn it!" Yuki snapped, gripping the door frame to keep from lunging at the older man. "I am- was his lover! While we're both responsible for the mess he's in now, I have a leg to stand on, at least! Because I know Shu in ways you couldn't even begin to understand!"

The man took a step back, his arms curling about his middle as if he were in physical pain as tears welled in his midnight blue eyes. He would never forgive himself for what he'd done to someone who adored him as much as Shuichi had, but he'd hoped that if Eiri Yuki was being given the chance to set things right, he would be given equal opportunity.

"I just... I have to tell him! I have to see him and-!"

"Shut up." Yuki's voice turned icy as he glared at the man with every ounce of loathing he could muster given his exhausted state. "As a pair, we've caused him more than enough pain. I won't let you jeopardize what could possibly be my last chance to fix things between us."

"And what about me? Shuichi is my friend!" The brunette sobbed openly in the hallway, his own voice turning angry.

"Was... Your friend." The writer corrected, leaning against the open door and crossing his arms over his chest. "We put an end to that a year ago when we were caught." Yuki's nonchalant tone cut the man deeper than the words he spoke, causing tears to trickle in steady streams down his face. "And if I remember correctly, The night he walked out on me, I clearly told you that I never wanted to see you again."

"Why are you making this out to be my fault! You're just as guilty as I am! I'm not even the first person you cheated on him with!" The man accused, pointing his finger at the blond. "I'm what? The third? The fifth? The twentieth?"

"What I did before Shuichi and I got serious hardly compares! And it's not like he didn't suspect it!" Yuki yelled back, his temper flaring hot. "I admit I was weak! That I 'allowed' you to take advantage of me in that bar because I was a lonely drunk who missed his lover to the point of insanity! What's your excuse?"

The other stopped short of another insult and thought about what the novelist had just said. Shuichi had been gone on tour for months with little to no contact with his family or his lover in that time. The fact that he'd stumbled upon the infamous Eiri Yuki one night in a shabby bar down town was merely a coincidence, yet that didn't alter the results of the fateful night that had changed Shuichi's life. In truth, he knew what he was doing the moment he walked into the bar with his sights set on the blond novelist.

After the harsh breakup between him and Tatsuha, he'd seen it as an opportunity to get even, and had indeed taken advantage of the writers incapacitated state of mind, not knowing that Shuichi was on his way home for a two day break.

"I understand your need for closure more than you think." Yuki began, his voice dropping to a calmer tone as he regarded the other with barely concealed regret.

"You know nothing! Locking him away and forcing him to stay here isn't going to make him love you again!"

"Don't you think I know that!" Yuki's voice rose again as the side of his fist collided with the door, creating a echo though the empty hall. "Do you have any idea how much it kills me to have to stand there and listen to him tell me how much he hates me! To have to hide how much I still fucking love him in fear of getting slapped in the face!" The novelist felt his chest constrict painfully around a sob, causing his vision to waver under a veil of unshed tears. "I don't think you do! Or you wouldn't be here!"

"You're not the only one who cares about him, damn it!"

"No, but I'm apparently the only who cares enough that he's throwing his life away over our stupidity!"

"Go to hell! I want to help too!"

"Fuck you!"

* * *

Tears fell relentlessly from his tired, sore eyes, as he listened to the two people he once cared for fight over him. So many truths had been brought to light in the past few minutes, that Shuichi's already aching head was reeling with disbelief and guilt. Still, the only question he could think to ask was, 'how did it come to this?'

For twelve months he wondered what was so wrong with him that Yuki had gone elsewhere to sate his needs instead of waiting for him as a loyal lover would do. And why did it have to be with him of all people? The one person he idolized more than anyone else in this world-.

The vocalist shuddered as images of that night flooded his mind. The scent of sweat, alcohol, and sex was noticeable the moment he crept through the front door. For the sake of his sanity, he knew he should have turned around and walked right back out, but curiosity and the sting of betrayal drove him deeper into the apartment in search of his lover.

He'd intended to surprise him by not letting Yuki know about his two day break, but it seemed that he was the one who was more surprised that night. To find his beloved in bed with another man poised above him hurt, but he wasn't as shocked as he should have been. No. The real proverbial kick to the gut was to learn that the other man was none other than Sakuma Ryuichi...

His entire world had shattered that night.

Every hope. Every dream he'd ever had about their future together vanished in the blink of an eye. The emotions that tore him apart that night, he still couldn't even begin to describe. And the worst part was that when he flipped the bedroom lights on, Yuki did nothing.

He didn't beg or plead to be forgiven. He didn't apologize. He didn't even look at him. The coward couldn't even face up to what he'd done even when Ryuichi did enough of that for the both of them in the short span of twenty minutes as Shuichi packed a duffel bag full of clothes.

He'd even stopped at the bed room door, ignoring Nittle Grasper's lead singer's babbling, waiting for Yuki to say something... Anything to explain what he'd walked in on. But the novelist remained silent, his back turned to him with his face buried in a pillow.

It was the last time he'd seen him since that night. And every night for months after that, he fell asleep with his cell phone clutched in his hand, waiting for his lover to call and apologize and tell him what an idiot he was.

Finally, Shuichi had given up. Angry and broken hearted, he'd turned to the first outlet he could find. One thing lead to another, and before he knew it, he was into some pretty hard stuff, dating an American drug addict who got his rocks off by seeing how many bruises he could put on him in a single night.

The last six months of his tour in America had been unbearable to say the least, but nothing could compare to the feeling of loss that took over him every time he came down from his high. Every night, he went to bed praying that he wouldn't wake up in the morning.

Now, as he lay there in Yuki's bed, cuffed to the headboard, and listened to the argument, he had never felt so alone... So wrong about everything. His warring emotions wreaked havoc with his already weak and worn body as it shook slightly with uncontrollable sobs.

He hated what he'd become, but for some reason, he hated making Yuki fess up to his crimes this way much more. He knew what it was like to love someone who clearly did not return those affections, because that was how their relationship began. He understood how it felt to want to help someone out of love, only to be rejected time and time again.

Hours had passed in the span of a few minutes. Shuichi didn't even realize when the fighting had stopped in lieu of a deadly quiet. Eventually, he ran out of tears while he stared blankly at the far wall. Calmer, but hardly rational, he mulled over his options in the darkness of the bedroom.

* * *

A/N: This chapter turned out better than I expected, but since a reviewer already figured out what was going on, I cut out two of the chapters, and just merged them with this one to cut to the chase. Now there really might only be 12 chapters. I'm still not sure yet, though. Review and let me know what you think.


	11. Chapter 11

Subtle Addiction

Rated: M for Violence, Sexual Content, and Yaoi Situations,

Pairing: ShuichixYuki

Disclaimer: I am soo sorry this took so long, I kinda stopped writing for a while, caught up in roleplaying too much I guess. Feel free to flame me for it. i deserve it. lol. Anywho... Enjoy! ^_^

A/N: Yet again, I do not own Gravitation or it's Characters. This fic is a little different that my other ones. I've never done one like this, so bear with me as I try to Get my point across in the only way I know how. I'd like to thank the support of my loyal reviewers, and even the ones who've only left one review.

* * *

Chapter 11:

What he wouldn't give for a beer, or ten. His eyes ached, his head hurt, and his chest felt so tight he could barely breath around the constriction. Every time his eyes wandered to the front door, he relived the entire argument he'd just had with Sakuma Ryuichi.

There was so much bitterness and anger between the two, he was sure that even on some off chance that Shuichi did come back to him, he would never be able to forgive the older man. There was just too much that had transpired between them. He acknowledged that he was just as much responsible for Shuichi's suffering as Sakuma was, but it felt nice to be able to shove all the blame onto someone else, if only for a little while. He had far too much on his plate at the moment to care about just how selfish that sounded in his head.

With a tired sigh, he stood stiffly from the spot he'd been sitting in the hallway on the carpeted foyer, stretching his aching muscles. A brief glance at the clock read 7:30 pm, and he blinked in minute surprise. Just how long had he been sitting there? Rubbing his dry, tired eyes, he shuffled his feet across the room, heading back towards the bedroom to check in on Shuichi. He'd obviously been quiet for a long time, as Yuki hadn't been disturbed out of his dazed trance for at least a couple hours, making the novelist wonder when the pop star was up to.

'Probably sleeping.' He thought to himself as he cracked open the door, peeking his head inside the twilight strewn room.

The singer was laying on side facing away from him, his knees tucked securely into his chest. The steady sound of his breathing signaled that he was in fact asleep, his head nestled on the bent arm that was still cuffed to the headboard of the bed. He could only imagine how uncomfortable the younger male had to be. Last he remembered, Shuichi never stayed still even when asleep. So either he was really exhausted, or his movements were restricted by the handcuffs enough that he settled for the little range of movement and drifted off into an uncomfortable slumber.

The phantom touch of Shuichi's hand on his cheek the other night when he'd bathed him made him shiver in remembrance, and he wondered what it was that the brat had tried to tell him that night. The tender, almost hesitant way he'd cupped his cheek in his small hand made it hard for him to believe he was about to throw another scathing insult at him, but he'd been too tired to accurately place the look in those amethyst eyes.

Stepping silently into the room, he closed the door behind him with an audible click, knowing that the younger male was far too deep asleep to be awakened by such a soft sound. Nevertheless, he picked his way through the ever darkening room until he was cautiously able to sit on the edge of the mattress next to Shuichi's slumbering form. In the remaining light, he was barely able to make out the dried tear tracks on the other's flushed cheeks, and he reached out a hand to lay the back of his fingers against said cheek, checking his temperature.

Shuichi still felt a bit warm, but it was nothing compared to the fever he'd had to endure with little relief the past few days, and it gave the blond hope that he would finally come around soon. He couldn't wait for those violet eyes to turn on him with crystal clarity, even if the stare was hateful. In his wildest dreams, he couldn't imagine receiving much else from the vocalist.

His eyes filled with sadness, and his hand lingered on the smaller male's face for a long moment, before moving to brush the sleep matted bangs out of Shuichi's eyes. In that moment, he could almost imagine that the past year had all been nothing but a horrible nightmare, and he was rousing his lover from a restful slumber to join him in the kitchen for a nice, American style breakfast, complete with eggs, toast, and Shuichi's personal favorite, waffles.

Losing himself in his daydreaming, he imagined the pop star shifting in his sleep, those small, pert lips tugging downward in a frown as he stretched out, sleep clouded eyes slowly peeling open to reveal dark, majestic purple irises. Those eyes, usually filled with so much light and love would turn to him, and blink slowly, his groggy mind attempting to comprehend what time it was and why he was woken from sleep. And then he would nuzzle into his hand, that small frown turning into a loving smile that never failed to warm Yuki's heart.

The rattling of metal against cast iron startled the blond out of his daze and he blinked, realizing with surprise, and a little shock, that it hadn't been a ruse at all. Everything that he had pictured in his mind was in fact, honest reality. Shuichi still lay on his side, uncurled slightly now, staring up at him with an expression he never thought he'd see on his young ex-lover's face again. Not directed at him, anyways.

But he would not be fooled again. It had been made painfully obvious only a short while ago that under Shuichi's kindness, no matter how schooled it was, he had ulterior motives. Withdrawing his hand from that warm cheek, he cast his eyes to the wall above the headboard, watching the little bit of light remaining play over the stark white paint, coloring it a deep pink.

A hoarse whisper had him quickly adverting his honey colored eyes towards the pop star once more, and he realized by Shuichi's moving lips and the slight confusion in his eyes that the younger male was trying to speak to him to no avail. He watched a small hand travel up to a lightly tanned throat and rub at it ruefully.

Standing from the bed, he left the room without a word, returning a minute later with a full glass of water. Resuming his seat next to Shuichi, he waited for him to sit up, noting the relief in his eyes the moment he saw the drink in his hand. Once he was sure the vocalist had stopped moving around, he handed him the water.

Shuichi took the proffered glass without any hesitation, bringing it to his lips and taking long slow gulps, the cool water soothing his parched and stinging throat. His eyes fluttered closed as he savored the taste as if it were the most delicious thing he'd ever consumed, not stopping for air until the glass had been drained completely. A look of disappointment crossed his features as he dropped the glass from his lips, staring at it as if willing it to refill itself.

Yuki couldn't stop the small chuckle from escaping him and he took the glass from Shuichi, retreating to the kitchen once more to fill it to the brim again. Returning, he handed him the glass, watching as he downed it in much the same manner as the first one, and wondered how the kid didn't get sick from drinking so fast.

Dropping the now empty glass to rest in his lap, Shuichi gasped softly for breath, feeling like some part of him had been revived. When the mattress sank under the novelists weight as he sat down on the edge again, amethyst eyes turned to him, silently thanking him for the simple gift, surprised when Yuki nodded back in understanding.

Hesitantly, he held the glass out to him, giving a small, lopsided smile when the blond took it and set it on the nightstand. Now, to try this again. He cleared his throat, wincing slightly as some of the sting returned, but managed to ignore it before it got worse. Opening his mouth to speak, he was elated that his voice was a bit more cooperative this time, though still a bit ragged.

"How long have I been here?" He rasped out, clearing his throat again.

"Your guess is as good as mine. I think I lost count a couple of days ago."

Shuichi blinked at that, a frown marring his perfect angelic features as he mulled over his thoughts. A moment later, violet snapped up to lock on honey gold. "Does this mean… I'm clean?" Though his voice was barely above a whisper, Yuki could not mistake the hopefulness in his tone, or in his eyes. The blond shook his head sadly, adverting his eyes to avoid seeing how Shuichi's face fell at the news.

"I'm afraid not..." He could just barely see Shuichi's crestfallen expression out of the corner of his eye and his gut twisted into a knot.

"H-How much longer?" The voice was not that of the proud, defiant pop star who stole the hearts of all of Japan, but that of a small, frightened child.

"I don't know, Shu... The doctor said detox can take weeks, sometimes even months..." He kept his voice soft, hoping to sooth the younger male as much as he could. A hitched sob brought his head back around to stare into the twisted features of his ex-lover. Those wide violet eyes brimming with tears were so hard to take in.

In that heart wrenching moment, Yuki made a decision. Standing, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key to the handcuffs, swiftly unlocking the offending piece of metal that kept the vocalist chained to the bed like a common prisoner. Shuichi didn't respond, but brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face as his body shook with shallow, hitched breaths.

The novelist would have none of that, though. Sitting back down after dropping the key onto the bedside table, he pulled the pink haired boy into his lap, holding him tightly against his chest just as the first hard sob overtook him, causing his small frame to tremble uncontrollably.

Shuichi didn't resist the pull, and the solace of arms still so familiar wrapping around him gave him the strength to just let it go. He buried his tear streaked face against the soft fabric of the blond's button-up shirt and cried like he hadn't cried in forever until he could barely breath from the duress of his aching lungs and burning throat.

* * *

His back was so stiff he was sure it would break if he tried to move even an inch, and his legs had long since fallen asleep under the minuscule weight of the younger male he still held securely against his chest. Hours had to have passed like this. Just when he thought Shuichi's tears had run out, the sobs would begin anew, wrecking havoc on the novelist's heart all over again.

He didn't say a word. Not even so much as a whispered condolence. He knew it was futile... Nothing he could ever say would take the pain away from the one he'd hurt so badly. The room had fallen into pitch blackness, the only sounds he could hear were the occasional car driving by, and even then, those were few and far in between, signaling that it was much later than he had originally thought.

Shuichi remained silent as well, unable to get much past his quivering lips and his constricted throat. He just curled up as best he could on Yuki's lap and let it all out. All the pain, doubts, regrets, washed clean by his bitter tears. But eventually, the silence got taxing, and as his sobs dwindled down to soft hiccups, he cleared his stinging throat and brushed away the last remnants of his breakdown from his flushed and sore cheeks.

"I-I heard what you said..." He frowned as he spoke, his voice sounded nothing like his own.

"Hm" Blinking out of his daze, he tilted his head down to better hear what the other was saying, his ears straining for even the quietest whisper.

"I heard you fighting w-with Sakuma-san earlier." He felt Yuki tense up around him, and he clenched his eyes shut, begging any god that would listen to give him the strength to continue. "I-I heard it all, Yuki..."

"I'm sorry." Yuki mumbled out, his eyes closing in shame.

"Why, Yuki?" He squeaked out, his tears collecting in his eyes once more as he pulled back enough to look at the other.

"It was never supposed to happen, Shu..." Yuki kept his eyes shut tightly, fighting back the wave of tears that threatened to escape from his own eyes. "I was drunk, Shuichi, and I missed you so much it was killing me..."

"No, " Shuichi shook his head, realizing the blond wouldn't see it anyways. "I can understand why you slept with him, I knew the answer to that twelve months ago... But why-" His voice broke and he took a moment to quell his tears before continuing, reaching up a small hand to place it against the side of the novelist's neck, his thumb lightly caressing his jaw. If he didn't know better, he swore he felt dampness there. "Why didn't you come for me? Why did you leave me all alone? I loved you so much and you made me believe that you truly didn't care that I was gone. That hurt me more than anything you could have ever done with him." He hiccuped around another sob, burying his face in the crook of his ex-lover's slender neck. "If you would have just come for me, I would have forgiven you! Haven't you learned? I always forgive you! If only you had just come for me!"

Yuki was shocked speechless, golden eyes wide and unseeing as he listened to the pinkett speak and sob against him. Had he really been THAT stupid? If what Shuichi was saying was true, all the pain and suffering they'd both had to endure could have been over before it had the chance to fully take root. Shuichi wouldn't be in his arms bawling and shaking in physical and emotional pain if only he's set aside his fear and followed him, stopped him from leaving, hell, even 'looked' at him that night. The knowledge that he'd had the power to set everything right twelve months ago tore his heart in two, and he could no longer deny the steady trail of tears trailing down his face as he held the younger male closer.

"Shuichi, I'm so sorry... I never wanted you to believe that I didn't want or love you... but I was so ashamed I couldn't even look at myself, let alone you." He whispered against his hair. "I deserved to be miserable and alone for the rest of my life after what I did to you, if only I'd known how bad things were with you in America, I would have been there in an instant, but I didn't know, Shuichi. Please believe me... I thought you would be happy..."

Sighing softly, the exhale hitched and weak, Shuichi wiped his eyes again, this time on the blond's white shirt, before shifting in the older male's tight embrace until he was able to straddle his lap, his arms coming up to wrap tightly around his neck. It was difficult because the novelist didn't loosen his hold on him for a second, and when he finally got himself situated, he felt those arms tighten around him, pressing their bodies impossibly close.

With a shaky breath, Shuichi leaned forward and pressed his lips against Yuki's in a determined kiss.

It was time to set things right...

* * *

Mwahahahahaha! Guess what the next chapter is going to be! You guessed it. The last chapter! ^_^... o_o Wait... what? You thought I was going to say lemon, didn't you, you sly perv... Well, guess what else... You're right. ^_~ The more reviews I get before I write the next chapter, the better, longer, and lemony it will be, so please review! 'Cause I want to write a hawt one! XD


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